


Though Darkness Falls

by broedym



Series: The Darkness and The Light [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Character Death, DameRey, Established Relationship, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-05-28 10:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15046493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broedym/pseuds/broedym
Summary: A continuation of The Light to Meet It.The Resistance has left Ahch-To, ready to rebuild and take on the First Order. Poe and Rey navigate their new relationship while their responsibilities seek to separate them.But war is hell. And no one gets through it unscathed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the sequel I didn't intend to write, but then I did. Warnings added as needed for later chapters because... well, you'll see.

The deserted moon on which the new rebel base was located had no name. An abandoned militia outpost from a decades-past civil war, it had since been home to bands of smugglers and racketeers thanks to its remote position in a system with few inhabitable planets. Now it was reborn as a haven for the remaining members of the Resistance—a place to regroup, rebuild, and renew their commitment to the cause.

More than three months after the remaining rebels left Ahch-To, the base was mostly restored and operational. They stockpiled supplies and weapons gathered from Resistance caches, taking advantage of cloaking generators to mask the structure’s energy signature. With a handful of starfighters available to them and the promise of more, General Leia Organa prepared to welcome their first influx of recruits.

Since their arrival she had continued to travel the galaxy with Rey and Chewbacca, meeting with potential supporters and allies, securing resources and credits, and lately personnel. Some missions were fruitless, sectors where there was apathy towards the destruction that the First Order continued to wreak elsewhere, but Leia persisted. Others feared a fate similar to that of the Hosnian system and agreed to clandestinely assist where they could.

They started enlisting troops and pilots – a mix of volunteers from past alliances as well as those too young to remember the Empire’s evil reign. Trusted associates coordinated the vetting and transport of the recruits. It was risky, and the threat of a First Order spy among them was high, however Leia knew they had little choice but to start growing their ranks.

The new recruits would be trained before more volunteers could be found and additional bases established, just like the Rebel Alliance of old. They would secure more ships – cruisers and frigates to give them the mobility they needed – and expand until they were ready to take the fight to the enemy.

That day was coming.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Poe was showered and half-dressed by the time Rey arrived at his quarters. She was more reliable than any chrono alarm – and more impatient, at least when it was a Zhellday and there would be fresh dough-buns in the mess for breakfast.

“Good morning, Jedi,” said Poe before pulling on a black undershirt to go with his base fatigues.

“Are you ready? Let’s go,” she replied by way of greeting.

In her travels with Leia, Rey may have had the opportunity to hone her Jedi skills, and she could be calm and unhurried when she chose to be, but back on base when there were important issues at stake – namely, breakfast – she reverted to type.   

Poe stopped in the middle of the room, hands clasped behind his back, and gazed impassively at her until the edge wore off her eagerness and she threw him a conciliatory smirk.

“Good morning, Commander,” Rey tried again, and was rewarded with a smile that she immediately looked away from lest she be distracted from her current objective. Her eyes fell on the clothes laid out on Poe’s bunk. “What’s all this?”

“New uniform to impress the recruits joining us today. The General insists.” Poe looked at the leather jacket slung over the back of his desk chair that he’d prefer to wear, but he knew why Leia had organized the formal attire. They had a whole Republic to help rebuild and defend, and that would take order and discipline. And recruits. Lots of recruits that needed training.

“Ooh, do I get a uniform?” Rey queried.

“I thought you didn’t want to be a command officer.”

“I don’t. I like this though.” She shrugged on his uniform jacket over her tunic.

“Suits you.” He grinned at her, not mentioning that he loved the unapologetic way she’d started appropriating his clothes since their arrival at the base. She would leave for a mission with Leia and he’d find his sleepshirt gone, or a pair of undershorts. Poe liked it even better when she wore them on the rare occasions they found time to be together.

Rey tugged the olive drab jacket around her small frame and kept it on as she followed him to the refresher door.

“Can we go yet? I’m starving,” she complained.

“Go ahead if you want, I have to take care of this,” Poe said from in front of the mirror where he tugged at his beard. He decided he may as well look the whole part.

She raised her eyebrows at the idea, before curiosity replaced surprise. “You’re shaving it off?”

“It’s time. I guess our vacation’s over.” Poe didn’t admit it was also the premature peppering of gray that he noticed every time he looked in the mirror that was prompting the change.

Rey had no idea what a vacation was but forgot to ask as he started trimming away his beard with powered clippers. She leaned against the door frame and watched him, transfixed, as he lathered his face and switched to using a razor.

He glanced over at her with a smirk. “What are you doing there?”

“Just looking,” she replied, a little shyly. “And thinking.”

“About what?”

“I’ve never kissed you without a beard,” Rey said in anticipation of the new sensation.

“Huh.” Poe looked over at her again. “You wanna kiss me, do you?”

“I might get around to it. If I have the time later.” She shrugged casually but her eyes never left his face as he worked the razor over his sharp jaw.

When he finished and toweled his face clean, Poe turned to face her square on. A cocky smile twitched at his mouth. “Well?”

“You look...different.” Rey held his hooded gaze but she could feel the warmth rising on her neck.

He took a couple of slow steps towards her. “Bad different?”

“No,” she admitted lightly, belying the persistent thumping of her heart as he rested his arm against the door frame where she stood and leaned in so they were almost nose to nose.

“Wasn’t there something you wanted to do before?” he murmured.

“Yes.” Rey nodded with a gulp and paused before tilting her face so their cheeks were nearly touching, her lips close to his ear. “I really want to go to breakfast.”

With that, she pulled back and beamed at him, before stepping away so she could shrug off the uniform jacket and lay it on his bed. Poe followed her with a quiet groan and put on the leather jacket over his undershirt so they could head to the mess.

As they reached his door, Rey spun on her heels quickly and before Poe could react she pressed her mouth to his. Her nose crinkled at the feel of his very smooth face, but she decided she liked it and kissed him again, more languidly this time, to be sure. Poe smiled against her lips and knew breakfast could wait, at least for a little while.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Later that day Leia and her command officers assembled in the main hangar as they awaited the arrival of the first recruit transports.

“All security measures are in place?” Leia kept her voice muted so only Lieutenant Connix, who stood faithfully at her side, could hear. “Full passenger scans, as well as tracking detection?”

“Yes, General. And our ships are on standby if there’s any sign of enemy activity.”

Despite her inherent uneasiness, something that was increasingly harder to ignore as the Resistance continued its journey of re-emergence, Leia’s face was calm when the hangar alarms heralded the incoming transports.

A few feet away, Poe and Finn stood side by side in uniform, the latter bearing the insignia of an army captain. He was to lead the training of ground troops while Poe would take on the rookie pilots. Both were feeling apprehension about their new roles, though for different reasons. Finn didn’t yet consider himself a leader, just a former Stormtrooper the newcomers might not trust, and Poe knew that his responsibilities would see him send more pilots to their untimely deaths. He wasn’t sure how to get right with that anymore, even though they had no choice. To give up and allow the First Order to prevail was unthinkable.

Rey sidled up to Poe, a little breathless for a Jedi.

“I couldn’t get my robes right,” she admitted, still pulling at the rough brown fabric.

“So you got a uniform after all,” Poe said, nodding his approval.

“Leia thought it would be a good idea. Something about first impressions.”

Two transport ships alighted in the hangar, their engine exhausts blasting.

“You made a pretty memorable first impression on me,” replied Poe with an expression not entirely befitting a uniformed officer, their delayed breakfast fresh in his mind. He was rewarded with a smile that mirrored the one she’d given him when they’d met on the _Millennium Falcon_.

“I know.” Rey smothered her grin and tried to look suitably dignified as the first recruits spilled into the base.

There were over sixty in all, adding to the twenty support crew who’d already been there ahead of their arrival from Ahch-To. Leia greeted a few senior members at the head of the group, some of whom she knew from her senatorial career. Poe anticipated a number of additions in the command team, which suited him if it meant fewer meetings.

As the recruits filed by on their way to the mess where Leia planned to address them, Finn, Rey and Poe surveyed the group and tried to pick out who was volunteering for which positions. A few in flight suits were obvious, and Poe gave each of them a stern nod. Most stared wide-eyed at Rey and her lightsaber as they passed by, having never seen a Jedi up close before. One or two even looked frightened.

“Just wait ‘til they start combat training with you,” Poe said out of the corner of his mouth. “They’ll all be terrified.”

Rey turned to him to provide an appropriately cutting rejoinder but Poe was staring down the line of recruits, his eyes wide open in surprise.

“You gotta be kidding me,” he muttered, causing Rey and Finn to look at what had drawn his attention.

An astonished laugh followed and then he was pushing past the other to reach an older man with closely cropped silver hair. Poe grabbed the man without hesitation and hugged him, both of them laughing. Rey and Finn shared a quick glance before stepping closer to find out what was going on.

Poe let the man loose but kept a hold of his arms. “What the hell are you doing here?!”

“You don't message, you don't visit. I figured, I’d have to come to you.”

“I sent you the usual code that I was okay,” Poe said in an exasperated tone. “For kriff’s sake, I would have visited once I had the chance.”

“Eh, I couldn’t let you have all the fun, now could I? I heard the Resistance is looking for all the help it can get, so I reached out to some old friends, found out where the recruitment was happening, and signed up. ”

Poe shook his head in a mixture of annoyance and happiness at the unexpected arrival. He turned around to find Rey and Finn right behind him, equally curious to meet this particular recruit.

“My Dad,” he explained, unable to hide his smile. “Pop, this is Rey. And this is Finn. My friends.”

“Kes Dameron,” he said with a slight bow of his head and shook hands with both of them. Kes’s white teeth flashed against tan skin and there was no mistaking the resemblance. His gaze lingered on Rey’s outfit before flicking back to his son.

“You’re friends with a Jedi?”

Poe didn’t answer immediately, wondering how to succinctly and without embarrassing her tell his father that they were more than friends, though not yet lovers. That he adored her. That he hadn’t yet recovered from the fact she, it seemed, felt the same about him. An awkward silence fell and color flooded Rey’s cheeks.

“Finn used to be a Stormtrooper,” she blurted out.

“Well, that’s...interesting,” replied Kes with a low chuckle. “I can’t wait to hear all about it and get to know you both. But I would like to pay my respects to General Organa, so later perhaps.”

Kes excused himself and shoved his duffel bag into Poe’s arms so he could step forward to Leia who was waiting for him with a similar look of astonishment. Kes spoke with her earnestly, and judging by Leia’s reaction Poe guessed he was offering his condolences for Han Solo with whom he’d served during the Battle of Endor.

“My Dad came to join the Resistance,” Poe said, still in shock. He watched him take Leia’s arm as they headed to the mess.

“‘Finn used to be a Stormtrooper’. What the hell, Rey?” hissed Finn.

Rey made an apologetic face. “I panicked.”

 

0 0 0 0

 

“Seriously, Pop, what are you doing here?” Poe asked as they ate lunch after Leia’s welcome. “You haven’t been off planet in what, ten years? When I graduated from the Academy.”

Rose had joined them, covered in engine grease from her neverending work on their small fleet, and the five of them huddled around the end of a long table.

“Then it was about time I did,” Kes said, unperturbed by his son’s less than enthusiastic reaction. He dragged his spoon into the lumpy slop on his tray. “Although this food...I have not missed this. It’s going to take some getting used to again.”

“You fought in the Rebel Alliance?” Rose asked, curious that Poe had never told them much about what his parents did back in the day.

Kes nodded. “Special forces. I was a sergeant with the Pathfinders.”

“Thirty years ago,” muttered Poe.

“It sounds like we can learn a lot from you,” Finn spoke up. “I’d appreciate any help you can give us training our ground troops.”

Kes smiled broadly, aimed at his son, before he replied, “Well, thank you, Captain. It’s heartening to know someone around here appreciates a bit of experience.”

Poe huffed in irritation and felt Rey’s hand come to rest on his leg. She was doing the thing he usually found relaxing, emanating a sense of calmness through the Force. But the shock of seeing his father at the Resistance base so far from their home on Yavin 4 had unsettled him more than he cared to admit. The future was bleak and unknowable, the odds stacked against them. Poe didn’t want his father anywhere near it. So in that moment he wanted to be annoyed, not calmed.

“Who’s looking after your place? The harvest?” pressed Poe.

“I made arrangements with a neighbor. You remember Tigg.” Kes shook his head at him. “You worry too much.”

Poe glowered and stayed mostly silent for the remainder of the meal, letting his friends ask Kes about his military life and what he’d been doing since mustering out so many years ago. Thankfully the Resistance group began to disband as Commander D’Acy visited each table and assigned quarters to the new recruits.

“Sergeant Dameron?” she said, checking him off her list. “General Organa thought you might be more comfortable bunking with Commander Dameron than with the rest of the troops. At least until we have finished making the rest of the base habitable.”

Kes’s face brightened at the suggestion, but it had the opposite effect on Poe which he did a poor job of hiding.

“The other recruits will be eight to a room with shared facilities,” she added quietly, then turned to Poe. “Commander?”

It took all of Poe’s willpower not to cast a stricken glance at Rey. “Good idea,” he said instead.

“Base orientations start at 1600 hours then we’ll reconvene at breakfast tomorrow for assignments,” said D’Acy before moving on to the next table.

“We should probably let you get settled in,” Rose offered, rising from the table. Finn was quick to join her, followed by a more hesitant Rey. “It was very good to meet you, Sergeant Dameron.”

“Likewise, Miss Tico. Though if you all don’t mind, it’s Kes.” He stood and flashed her a brilliant smile and nodded at them in turn. “Rey. Finn.”

Poe suppressed a roll of his eyes at Kes’s smoothness – it was clear the others were already a little in awe of him. Rey laid the briefest of touches on his shoulder as she got up from the table before she left with Rose and Finn.

“I like your friends,” Kes said after he took his seat once more.

“You certainly dialed up the charm, Kes,” Poe grumbled.

“Dameron men are always charming, we can’t help it,” he replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. “How else do you think I convinced your mother to marry me?”

“It was so long ago and you’ve been alone since she died, I really don’t know.” Poe’s mouth tightened as he instantly regretted his words. They were harsher than he’d intended, recalling old arguments about Kes’s disinterest in moving on that they’d been having for nearly two decades.

Kes’s frown was deep but brief. “That’s true. But I got _you_ outta all of it, didn’t I, you little shit?”

Poe’s expression softened. As infuriated as he was by his father’s eagerness to put himself in danger with the Resistance, he was equally grateful to have him close by once more.

“I’m sorry I didn’t come and see you sooner, Pop,” Poe said quietly.

“I know. You have responsibilities, more than I ever had or wanted. If I can just be a small part of it with you, that’s enough for me.”

Poe put his arm around Kes’s shoulders and squeezed. “Let’s get you unpacked, you crazy old man.”

“Not so much with the old, thank you,” he grunted in response as they got up to leave the mess. “I’m not even sixty. Now tell me, what’s with you and the Jedi?”

Poe smiled ruefully. It really was good to see his Dad again.


	2. Chapter 2

Poe was stuck in a personnel meeting for hours that same evening, as the command team were given files on each of their new recruits. Then there was an intelligence briefing, a session on base security, and finally a review of their current resources. Leia outlined plans to meet with a new contact off-world, which meant Rey would be leaving again, too.

He tried to suppress the resentment that immediately flashed through him. Poe knew that Leia relied on Rey, and that together they were ensuring the future of the Resistance. But it didn’t mean being separated from her was getting easier, despite the little opportunity they’d had to be together.

Poe’s mood was still dark as he gathered up his briefing notes and was the first one to leave. Not bothering to wait for Finn as promised so they could talk over plans for their first training sessions the next day, he made his way to one of the base’s disused storage bays where he knew she’d be.

Rey was already warmed up and practicing fluid moves with her lightsaber. The hum of the blade as it sliced through the still air was almost musical, if deadly. Poe watched for a moment, still awed by her strength and skill, before he remembered he was annoyed and dropped his gear by the door.

“That bad?” Rey said as she completed an effortless roll over one shoulder, the saber now deactivated. “I know meetings aren’t your favorite but you look like a Teedo stripped your ship for parts.”

She walked over to him, swiping at her glistening brow and offering him a kind smile. After that, all Poe could do was to shake his head and sigh, his frustration drained.

“I heard about the mission to Kothlis,” he said quietly.

“Oh.” Rey’s eyes dropped to the floor. “I only found out this afternoon, too.”

“How long?”

“Two weeks, maybe three.”

Poe stared over her shoulder and nodded, resigned to the fact that this was their reality. There was no point arguing, or telling her he didn’t want to be away from her that long. The war stretched out before them, and would continue to separate them no matter how much they wished otherwise. It wasn’t fair to Rey, and wouldn’t change their circumstances.

“Are we going to train?” he asked instead, and began stripping his uniform jacket and blaster.

“You don’t want to change into something a little more...comfortable?” she said, looking pointedly at his brand new trousers.

“Gotta wear ‘em in sometime.”

Rey laid her lightsaber with his weapon, and waited as he limbered up. They went through some easy unarmed combat drills as they did every time they trained. Poe was getting better, she noted, stronger since their early days on Ahch-To.

“How’s your bunkmate settling in?” asked Rey as she twisted out of an arm lock he held her in.

“Fine. No doubt rearranging everything.” Poe circled her, their eyes locked. “I guess this means I’ll be meeting you in the mess for breakfast from now on.”

Rey’s brow knitted briefly, and in a moment of distraction he attacked, gaining the upper hand. She swore under her breath at her lapse.

“There’s always my quarters,” she said as they separated and faced off again.

Poe raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t like to presume. We never go to your bunk.”

Rey’s lips pressed together in a firm line and she felt a guilty tug at her stomach. Something was preventing her from sharing all of herself with Poe, and even though he never pushed her or made her feel bad about it, she couldn’t help but be self-conscious. It was a constant battle – to trust completely, to be vulnerable, to reveal the parts of herself (the fear, the uncertainty, the darkness) that she kept hidden from everyone.

She inevitably retreated to her own quarters when she was on base. There were times when she’d reluctantly pulled herself from Poe’s sleeping grasp, his warmth, after they’d lain together for hours. She sought balance from solitude and meditation.

Her thoughts would betray her occasionally and she’d allow herself to think of Ben and what he was doing or feeling. Their Force bond was still severed, but knowing he was out there, knowing that Leia had asked her to kill their enemy, weighed upon her so heavily that sharing it with Poe seemed impossible. She never wanted to burden him like that, especially not since she learned of the torture he’d also suffered at B–, _Kylo Ren_ ’s hands.

Rey acknowledged Poe’s words with a regretful bob of her head. “I guess I’m not used to sharing.”

“Well shit, Jedi,” he replied, hands on his hips. “Finally, at least that’s something.”

“What do you mean?”

“One thing you’re not good at. I was starting to wonder.” Poe flashed her a quick smile which made her feel instantly better.

“Funny,” she said sarcastically, and maneuvered swiftly to knock him on his back for good measure.

Poe looked stunned, his mouth gaping but not taking in any air. Rey stood over him triumphantly for a moment before concern clouded her eyes when he didn’t get up. She fell to her knees beside him.

“Oh kriff, did I hurt you? Poe?”

She grasped his shoulders as his face grew redder. Before she plunged into a full-blown panic, his hands slid up her arms to pull her to his chest, then he swiftly rolled them over to pin her.

“Don’t let your guard down,” he ordered, his breathing miraculously restored.

Rey bit back a more colorful retort, her eyes dancing. “Easier said than done with you.”

Poe took it as an invitation and bent to kiss her. Mission be damned, he’d take every moment he could with her and be grateful.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Kes was deep in conversation with BB-8 when Poe returned to his quarters, uniform jacket slung over one aching shoulder.

“Did you say Canto Bight?” said Kes, with an appreciative whistle. “You certainly have been on an adventure, little one.”

“Don’t mind me,” Poe said as he grabbed fresh clothes and made his way to the refresher. “I’ve heard this one already.”

BB-8, with a flair for the dramatic that Poe swore he never programmed, reveled in telling anyone who’d listen about all that had transpired since their fateful mission to Jakku. Poe left them to it, opting for a hot shower after noting the new bunk that had been set up against one wall of his room.

When he re-emerged, dressed for sleep, Kes was readying himself for bed.

“Beebee-Ate has quite a bit to say about your Jedi.”

Poe threw the droid a stern look. “So much for loyalty. I know she’s your favorite now.”

BB-8 beeped an unconvincing denial before rolling onto a charging station.

“Both of are you are besotted, then.”

“You could say that,” Poe smiled to himself, but Kes did not return the expression.

“I can stay with the other recruits. You should have spoken up,” he chastised. “I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“You’re not,” said Poe, stretching out on his bunk as more muscles hurt from his training session with Rey. “It’s early days yet.”

Kes wasn’t convinced. “I’ve seen the way you look at each other. And I’m not too old to know what that mark is on your neck.”

Poe refused to be embarrassed, and instead looked quite pleased. But he felt the need to explain. “Rey’s young and she’s been alone most of her life. I’m not going to push her into something she’s not ready for. Besides, she’s got enough to deal with – Leia has her constantly flying around the galaxy to help drum up support for the Resistance. Parading her around to impress our so-called allies.”

Kes didn’t dwell on the criticism of General Organa, unused to that tone from his ever-loyal son. He got into his bunk and settled under the thin blanket.

“The General’s doing what needs to be done. They both are,” Kes offered.

“I know. Doesn’t mean I’m happy about them out there, exposed with basically no support.”

Kes thought about this for a while. “That’s where you’re heading, though, you and Rey?”

“What’s with all the questions?” murmured Poe, eyes closed and feigning sleep.

“Parental prerogative. I thought Jedi didn’t do romantic relationships.”

“Rey’s kinda different. Deciding things for herself.”

“I heard some people earlier calling her the last of the Jedi now that Luke Skywalker’s gone,” said Kes. “That’s a big responsibility.”

Poe turned his head to look at him, replying decisively, “She’s up to it.”

Kes didn’t look convinced, muttering quietly to himself.

“What?” Poe replied, propping himself up on an elbow to look at him. “Spit it out, Kes.”

“I don’t know. I always hoped I’d see out my days sitting on my porch with a fat grandbaby on my knee. That you’d give up all this fighting at some point and come home. Can a Jedi even do that?”

“We’re not exactly at the stage of talking about that stuff. We barely get a chance to spend any time together, not right now anyway.”

“But later, if this war is ever done? That’s going to be different somehow?”

Poe abandoned the idea of sleep and sat up to face Kes properly, his expression serious. “Listen, Pop...you know that might not happen, right? I mean, with everything that’s already happened, everything I’ve been through, it’s a miracle I’m even here. I should have died so many times—”

Kes made a swift, superstitious gesture. “But you didn’t, you’re here. There’s still plenty of life to lead, my boy. And I want you to have all of it. But a Jedi…”

Poe sighed. It wasn’t anything he hadn’t thought himself, in moments of uncertainty. Usually when Rey was on a mission, or when he punished himself over memories of what happened at D’Qar. He wanted nothing more than to believe they had a future, despite the realities of their present. It scared him sometimes how much he wanted it. How much he needed her.

“You know how you said you’d never love another woman the same way as Mom?” Poe said, subconsciously running a hand through the dark curls he’d gotten from her. “I get it now. I didn’t for the longest time, but I really do. Rey’s it for me. I know it. And if something happens to either of us in this fight, or both—”

Kes held up a hand for him to stop, not wanting to hear any more, but Poe persisted.

“You always said any time with a woman like Mom is a blessing.”

“I meant it,” Kes said, his voice thick with emotion.

“So I’ll take it as a blessing. Until whatever happens, happens. Okay?”

Kes nodded slowly, then surreptitiously wiped at the corner of his eyes.

“You old softie,” Poe said with affection. “Get some sleep. We have a lot of work to do in the morning.”

He switched off his light and the small room was plunged into darkness. Poe settled in as comfortably as he could while his head was still full of thoughts of Rey.

“Poe?” Kes said after a while.

“Hmm?”

“I’ll still keep hoping for the rest of it for you.”

Poe let out a long breath. “You and me both.”   

 

0 0 0 0

 

During the next month Poe and Finn settled into their instructor roles on base. The pilots were a group of varying skills, some so green and uncertain in the starfighter simulators that Poe wondered if they’d ever get them airborne. But a few of the older recruits were former Alliance pilots and would supplement their small squadron immediately.

With Rey away on her extended mission (which always seemed to go longer than planned), Poe spent his time reconnecting with Kes and hanging out with Finn and Rose when he wasn’t training the pilots or leading daily briefing sessions with the command team. The days went by faster when he kept busy, providing little time to dwell on Rey’s absence though missing her was a constant in his life.

Weapons training was held for everyone, something Kes found himself leading when he wasn’t assisting Finn with drills for the ground troops. An additional couple of A-wing interceptors were added to the fleet. They expanded their medical team, even adding a donated bacta tank. Their allies were more forthcoming with intelligence on the First Order’s movements as well as aid for the Resistance. It was starting to feel like real progress.

Most encouraging of all was news of the base that Leia and Rey were able to secure on Kothlis, ready for an evacuation or additional troops when their numbers outgrew their current location. The mood among the rebels was considerably more optimistic when they returned. Poe’s focus may have been on a certain Jedi, but Leia’s presence alone was enough to make the group work longer and push harder for the cause. He still marvelled at how she inspired such loyalty and devotion.

But her first full day back when the General sat with her command team going over their latest plans, it was hard not to miss the fatigue in her features. Or the way she leaned away from the meeting table, allowing the collected officers to discuss their progress and offering little input. Poe caught Rey staring at her, concern etched on her face, which only worried him more.

Colonel Bertran, their new intelligence officer, was offering a run down on the Resistance bases that were still under First Order occupation. While they were managing with donated ships, there were dozens of starfighters and other vital resources and supplies they were unable to retrieve.

“We may have an opportunity,” Bertran said, tapping a display console to bring up a map of the Thaereian system then zooming into a small planet. “Sources tell us a garrison of Stormtroopers was pulled out of our base on Odae Ripp just a week ago, leaving a small security force behind.”

“What’s there?” asked Poe, having never heard of the base before.

Bertran waited for Leia to reply, and when she didn’t he offered hesitantly, “According to these records – weapons, rations, medical supplies.”

“No ships?” Poe didn’t hide his disappointment.

“No. Not ours, anyway.”

“Assuming the First Order hasn’t stripped the base clean, you think we could gain access?” said Commander D’Acy.

Bertran pushed a few more buttons to bring up the base’s schematics, causing Finn to lean forward to study the detail.

“Single entry point. It isn’t that big,” Finn said. “We use a strike team...no more than twenty.”

Poe rested his hands on the console as he scanned the holoimage, too. “How reliable is this information?”

“Solid,” Bertran replied.

“It could be a trap,” Poe pointed out, looking over at Leia.

“It could also be an opportunity to supply the new base on Kothlis. My team could do this,” Finn argued. Poe’s mouth quirked into a half smile of admiration at his friend’s confident leadership. Even if he did tend to jump to an outcome a little too quickly sometimes.

“What about Star Destroyer activity in the sector? If the Stormtroopers raise the alarm?” asked D’Acy.

“None reported, not since the garrison was removed.” Bertran slid the data over to her.

“We could provide enough air cover,” Poe interjected, which earned him a nod of approval from Finn. “Long enough for the transport to take off with the supplies. If we’re fast it doesn’t matter if they call in reinforcements, we’ll already be out of there.”

There was talk between the officers as they discussed the likelihood of success but eventually all eyes turned to Leia for her decision.

“Work up a plan and I’ll consider it,” she intoned dully.

The meeting finished soon after and Poe told Finn he’d catch up with him later to discuss the mission to Odae Ripp so he could wait for Rey outside the command center.

“Did anything happen on Kothlis?” he asked without preamble. Rey hadn’t mentioned anything out of the ordinary the previous evening, though after almost four lonely weeks he had been preoccupied reacquainting himself with every inch of her to ask too many questions.

“What do you mean?” Rey frowned, and if he didn’t know better Poe would have sworn her tone was evasive.

“The General. She looks like hell. And you were quiet in there.”

“It was a long trip, that’s all,” Rey said, not mentioning she shared his concern over Leia’s fatigue. The typical anger over the actions of her son, and the distrust that Kylo Ren’s mother was leading the Resistance against him, had been more pronounced among their allies on Kothlis. Rey could feel Leia’s strength and resolve eroding the longer they stayed.

“You’d tell me otherwise, right?”

She nodded, hoping it wouldn’t come to that. Rey knew Poe’s affection for Leia was deep, but she also understood the hesitation he felt over the General’s faith in his ability to lead the Resistance in her absence, no matter the cause. He was still full of doubt.

Rey glanced around to ensure they were alone in the corridor before slipping her hand into his and leaning in to kiss him.

“Are you trying to change the subject?” he murmured before she deepened the kiss.

“Maybe.” She pulled back and gazed at him. “Did it work?”

Poe didn’t reply but the look in his eyes gave Rey her answer. She tried to ignore the hint of sadness hidden in their brown depths.

“I promise to tell you,” she said solemnly, focusing on the half-truth...she just couldn’t tell him everything. Rey tugged at his hand. “Come on, I told Rose I’d help with Luke’s X-wing – she’s finishing work on the cannons. She might even let you fly it soon.”

They spent the next couple of hours with Rose working on the old starfighter. The Rebel ship rescued from Ahch-To was an icon to the larger Resistance crew, and her hope was to get it battle ready with a replacement weapons system. Poe liked the idea, though it was hard to pass up flying the new T-85 X-wings that formed part of their small fleet now.

Finn, clutching a datapad excitedly, arrived in the hangar with Kes just as they reattached the first replacement laser cannon. He leapt up the steps of the short ladder to kiss Rose hello, not caring about the grease that was smeared across her cheeks.  

“My star pupil,” Kes said to Rey with a slight bow of his head.

Poe, bemused, looked from one to the other for an explanation.

“I heard Kes’s training session this morning was on blaster rifles. I haven’t had much experience with them so I went along,” said Rey, adding modestly, “I did okay.”

“I can guess,” Poe said with a proud smile.

Finn nudged Rey unceremoniously aside and handed Poe the pad. “Here. Kes and I have been working on the strike team plan. Check it out.”

“Already?”

“We don’t know if the First Order will replace the garrison. They could be rotating them through our bases.”

“Is your ground team ready for something like this?” Poe asked, not meaning to disparage Finn and Kes’s hard work with the troops but they’d only been training for a month.

“They’ll be ready,” said Kes, before Finn could respond with a more forceful retort.

“What about your pilots, flyboy?” Finn groused.

“That’s _Commander_ Flyboy,” Poe replied formally. “It depends how much cover you’ll need. We’ll work it out.”

Rey sidled up to him as Poe flicked through the details on the datapad, and she scanned through the information as well.

“Let’s go to the mess, we can eat while you do,” said Finn. “Rose, you about done?”

“Not by a long shot, but I could eat,” she replied, fastening a bolt on the S-foil.

“Kes? It’s as much your plan as it is mine.”

“You all go ahead,” Kes demurred. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

Poe looked over at him. Kes had been adamant about not imposing on his son’s group of friends, despite Poe’s protests to the contrary. He worked closely with Finn, and Rose could happily listen to his Alliance stories for hours, along with many of the other crew. He had quickly become something of a father figure to them, Poe was unsurprised to learn.

“We’re just grabbing dinner,” he said. “You should come too.”

“Thank you, but I have plans.”

“We’ll see you later then,” said Finn and began walking towards the mess with Rose while telling her animatedly about the mission.

Poe narrowed his eyes at Kes. “What plans?”

“I’m meeting Larma for dinner,” Kes replied casually.

“Who? Larma D’Acy?”

“Yes. Why? Is there a problem?”

“Nope, no problem here. Have fun,” said Poe while trying to smother a smile. He leaned in closer to his father. “If you need me to stay somewhere else tonight I’m sure Rey wouldn’t mind…”

Kes shoved him away, a little more forcefully than Poe’s teasing required, which only made his grin more pronounced. Poe held out his hand to Rey and they followed after Rose and Finn.

“It’s just dinner,” Kes called out after them.

Poe responded with a wave of his hand over his shoulder, his smirk undiminished. Maybe there was something to be said for allowing himself to think about the future, he thought, giving Rey’s hand a happy squeeze. She responded with a warm but puzzled smile that made him even more sure.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Character death ahead (sorry).

Within the week their plans to infiltrate the Resistance base on Odae Ripp was finalized and approved by Leia. Poe determined they’d need six starfighter pilots in addition to those flying the troop U-wing and extra transport for the cargo. Which meant he found himself standing in the departure briefing in full flight suit, taking part in an actual mission for the first time since they arrived from Ahch-To.

They had enough pilots remaining behind to man the transports if the worst happened, so the base was protected. Poe decided to lead his crew in one of the X-wings, and though he’d anticipated pushback from Leia she had not questioned his choice. However, when Rey suggested she could pilot one of the starfighters too, the General’s refusal was swift. Poe could go, Rey could not.

“You won’t be missing much,” Poe had said at the time, in an attempt to placate Rey who was taking out her frustration in a grueling combat session. He was rewarded with a particularly vicious overhead swipe of her staff that he only just managed to block, sending a painful jolt down the length of both arms.

“Sorry,” she mumbled in response to Poe’s wince of pain. “It’s just…you need pilots. I’m a pilot.”

“I can try asking her again if you want.”

Rey sighed. “Don’t bother. She probably has other plans for us. Chewie’s not going either.”

Poe let her work out her frustration a while longer. When the sting was mostly out of her blows he offered her a quick grin. “Does this mean it’s safe to ask if I can borrow your X-wing?”

“Poe Dameron,” she growled in annoyance, “tell me you didn’t orchestrate my staying behind just so you could fly my ship.”

“Never,” he replied with mock hurt, when she knew he wouldn’t be so underhanded. “Though it is a very nice ship.”

“Of course you can take it,” Rey said, a frown still creasing her brow. “It’s not really mine, it belongs to the Resistance.”

Poe leaned heavily on his staff, pausing to catch his breath. “I know, but it was given to you.”

“You can take my X-wing, Commander,” she said evenly. “As long as you promise to bring it back without a scratch.”

“Haven’t you heard? I’m the best pilot in the g—” Poe’s lighthearted reply was cut short when Rey knocked out the base of his staff and he was thrown off-kilter.

She finally grinned at him. “You were saying?”

Poe smiled to himself in the mission briefing room days later, remembering how they’d ended up breathless for an entirely different reason by the end of the session. Then he had to resume his professional demeanor as he stepped forward to go over the starfighters’ role. They had practiced drills and formations in preparation so all there was left to do was give the pilots a few words of encouragement. It was something he’d done countless times before, but this time Poe couldn’t deny the anxious swirl in the pit of his stomach as he looked over the younger pilots who had no battle experience.

The ground troops and pilots began filing out of the room when Finn dismissed them to go to their stations. He and Poe waited until they were gone before following.

“You watch yourself down there, Captain,” Poe said sternly.

“Same for you up there, Commander.”

They’d been over the plan again and again, working through scenarios and contingencies they hoped wouldn’t be needed. It was Finn’s first mission as a captain in the Resistance, but Poe could’ve sworn he was more nervous than his younger, less experienced friend. Finn seemed to have a self confidence that Poe had forgotten, and doubted he’d ever get back.

“See you when we get back.” Finn clapped a hand on his shoulder and then jogged to catch up to his team before Poe had a chance to say anything else.

He hesitated in the corridor until he felt a nudge at his legs and looked down at BB-8. “Go on and get our bird ready, pal. I’ll be there in a minute.”

The droid rolled ahead with what Poe assumed was a trill of excitement. He took a deep breath and followed.

The hangar was bustling with activity as the ground crew worked with the pilots to do last minute checks of the starfighters and the larger transport. Rose strode from ship to ship overseeing the final preparations, distracting herself before she had to say goodbye to Finn.

Poe waited off to the side as Kes reviewed the gear of the ground troops boarding the transport. He gave each of them a few reassuring words and a handshake, paying particular attention to a couple whose trepidation ahead of the mission was plainly evident.

“They’ll be fine, they had a good teacher,” Poe told him when Kes stood back so the last of the gear could be stowed.

“Yes, they will,” replied Kes but the reservation in his eyes was hard to mask. “I just wish we had more time with them. Or I was going with them to make sure.”

“It’s a good plan. And Finn knows what he’s doing.”

Kes nodded, then busied himself by checking the fastenings on Poe’s life support system strapped over his flight suit.

“You be careful,” he said gruffly.

“Pfft, of course.” Poe frowned when he saw the way Kes was blinking, willing away sudden tears. “Hey, Pop, what is it?”

“I never had to watch you fly off into potential danger before.” Kes cleared his throat. “I know you’ve been up against far worse, but I was never there to see it.”

“C’mere, old man,” Poe said, unable to hide a smile at Kes’s sentimentality. He pulled him into a swift hug. “I’m just providing air cover. We’ll be back before you know it.”

Kes nodded, pulling away to hold him at arm’s length for a moment, locking eyes. Poe threw him a quick grin before tucking his helmet under his arm and locating his X-wing across the hangar where BB-8 was already loaded.

He was almost at the ship’s ladder when he saw Rey doing a last check of the engine unit. She yelled an instruction at the loyal astromech to run another diagnostic.

“She’s as ready as she’s ever going to be,” he remarked lightly. “You prepped her yourself.”

“Hmpf,” Rey grunted in response, not facing him.

“Are you still wishing you were coming, too? You’re as bad as Kes.”

“I’m not,” she argued, sounding more annoyed than she meant to.

Poe stepped closer. “You’ve been on edge for days. Do you have a bad feeling about this or something?”

“Not exactly.” Rey closed the engine access panel with a forceful snap. “It’s just...I’d feel better if I were going with you. And Finn.”

“Finn will be fine, and so will I.” He drew her under the shadow of the S-foil, knowing she wasn’t big on public displays of affection...and wouldn’t be even if they weren’t on a base where gossip was rife. “I’ll see you later?”

“I’ll be here,” Rey nodded resignedly. When he leaned in to her kiss she hugged him instead before stepping quickly away.

Poe’s expression fell but he didn’t question her further. He turned to climb up the X-wing’s ladder and settled into the cockpit, helmet in his lap. As he began his flight prep routine with BB-8, he was surprised but not unhappy to see Rey’s head suddenly poke into the cockpit.

“ _Later_ , Commander,” she said, this time with a familiar smile. She slid forward to capture his lips in a firm kiss before disappearing down the ladder.

BB-8 beeped a query behind him.

“Never mind what it means, buddy, you’re not invited.” Poe grinned as he tugged on his helmet and strapped himself in.

Rey didn’t wait to watch the ships depart, feeling the need to distract herself with training. She supposed she could seek out Rose or Kes for company while Poe and Finn were away, but found herself wanting only peace and quiet. It was getting harder to find any alone time, whether away with Leia or on base. As much as she loved her friends and exploring her entirely new and heady feelings for Poe, adjusting to the growing Resistance group full of noise and emotion was difficult at times.

Always weighing on her mind was the inevitable conflict to come, where she would be truly tested as a Jedi. Maybe it would be months or years away, but Rey knew, ultimately, that her fight would just come down to a single individual: Kylo Ren. When that day came she would have to leave them all behind – Leia, Finn, Rose…Poe. It would be her alone, face to face with a man (or monster?) bent on destroying her, either through death or turning her to the dark side. Rey couldn’t decide which fate was worse. She gripped her lightsaber tightly and got to work.

 

0 0 0 0

 

The small band of rebel ships dropped out of hyperspace a careful distance from the old Resistance base to avoid raising any alarms. Their approach would be swift, counting on the information received that the First Order presence on-site was minimal. That didn’t mean it would be for long.

“Everybody look alive,” Poe ordered his pilots, after Finn confirmed their ground troops had landed as close to the base as feasible. “Report any contact from enemy ships.”

In the planet’s upper atmosphere the half-strength squadron of X- and A-wings waited, close enough to provide assistance if needed but not so close that they would draw attention to the landing party. Poe adjusted a few controls with little purpose beyond filling time until the next update on comms.

The wait seemed interminable, but was less than twenty minutes. Finn confirmed they’d penetrated the base. Some Stormtroopers were neutralized, clearly unprepared. The strike team reached the armory.

Poe checked his chronometer and willed them to go faster. As much as he felt at home in the cockpit, and was glad to be of actual use in their fight against the First Order, he still felt a clench in his gut as the minutes ticked by. And even though there was no immediate threat from the enemy, it didn’t stop the hair prickling on the back of his neck.

“Come on, Finn,” Poe muttered under his breath.

BB-8 beeped in alarm a split second before his comp-screen lit up. Poe grit his teeth, his face hardening, as a Star Destroyer burst into view before them. They’d expected it, planned for it, and knew that if an alert was raised by the Stormtroopers on the surface that it was only a matter of time before they arrived, despite Colonel Bertran’s insistence that there was little First Order presence in the sector.

“Finn, get out of there now, we got company,” Poe barked over the comms. “Green Squadron, form up and follow me.”

The Resistance starfighters drew into formation and cleared the upper atmosphere, out of immediate range of the Star Destroyer’s cannons. They approached the rebel base where their cargo was being loaded. Poe spotted the ground troops returning to their transports but couldn’t make out Finn among them as they passed overhead.

“Finn, confirm evac, now!”

The comms were garbled for a moment before Poe heard his friend. “We’re taking fire! Move! Move!”

Poe swore at the news, and again when he spotted the first TIE fighters approaching. Then he felt a strange calm, as muscle memory responded and all his training and every dogfight he’d even been part of came together. Poe instructed his pilots, took the lead position, and engaged the enemy with no further uncertainty. What he did feel was exhilaration, and a familiar, empowering burn as he maneuvered his X-wing effortlessly between the TIE fighters, hitting one after the other.

He heard a female voice over comms ordering the last of the ground troops to their ships, with the instruction to gather their injured. Poe’s focus was ensuring their safe passage off planet. The X-wings continued to engage the enemy while the A-wings provided direct cover for the transport and cargo ships which were finally airborne. Poe followed behind as the Resistance ships climbed steadily in the sky, waiting until they streaked into hyperspace without delay. With the TIE fighters still firing, but the entire Green Squadron somehow unharmed, BB-8 set the coordinates and engaged their hyperdrive.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Leia stood in the base command center later, anticipating contact with the mission leaders at any moment. They’d received an automatic coded message before they entered hyperspace, but with no detail or actual contact from Finn or Poe. She knew that meant they’d left in a hurry, or something had gone wrong.

“General?” inquired Connix to an unspoken need.

Leia looked at the lieutenant with a concerned expression. But before she could speak they were alerted to ships approaching the base. Those in command breathed a collective sigh of relief when their designations were confirmed, but the mood darkened when an urgent request for medical support came through.

“At least half a dozen injured on the transport, some serious,” Leia informed the assembled team. “But Commander Nunb confirms resources acquired.”

There was a buzz of conversation in the command team in anticipation of the much needed supplies. Leia held up her hand for silence when she heard Poe’s voice crackle over the comms.

“Green Squadron reporting in, General. All present and accounted for.”

Leia allowed herself a brief smile. They had precious few starfighters and barely enough trained pilots to fly them so it was no small thing to have them all return safely. She was also relieved that Poe was with them. For the good of the Resistance and her succession planning, but also for Rey.

Word quickly spread throughout the base and a crowd gathered in the hangar ahead of the troops’ return, including their small medical team. Rose was watching them nervously when Rey arrived.

She was alarmed to see Rose’s distress, her chest tightening in fear. “What do we know?”

Rose didn’t answer but Connix, who’d been dispatched to the hangar by Leia, provided the brief update. “Some injuries to the ground troops.”

“And the fighters?”

Rey let out a sharp breath when Connix confirmed that Leia had received Poe’s sitrep directly, but it didn’t quell the concern she felt when Rose grasped her hand.

Soon they were alerted to the incoming ships. The lead starfighters landed first followed by the troop U-wing and transport ship. The medical crew pushed forward as the ramps extended, and there were no cheers or applause when the ground team first appeared – just a hush as a few injured crew members were carried quickly off the transport.

“That’s not from blaster fire,” murmured Rose as she surveyed the wounded. There had clearly been some kind of thermal detonator used.

She anxiously scanned the troops’ faces in search of Finn. Rey was equally distracted and didn’t notice Poe approaching until he was right in front of her. He wiped a sweaty curl from his forehead and grinned at her.

“Hey, Jedi.”

She latched onto him immediately, almost knocking the wind out of him. The protrusion of his life support system pressed uncomfortably into both of them but neither cared.

“I told you I’d be fine,” he murmured into her ear, but she just squeezed tighter.

They heard a squeak beside them and Rose barreled through the small crowd when she spotted Finn, one of the last remaining crew on the transport. He was quickly enveloped in her arms. When she pulled away, the relief flooding her features was replaced with concern when Rose saw his stricken expression.

“What is it?” she said, grasping his jacket sleeves.

Finn said nothing but raised his eyes to meet Poe’s behind her. Rey stiffened, her smile at seeing her friend safe fading quickly. Confusion flashed on Poe’s face before Finn, with Rose still clutching his arm, approached them.

“Poe. I’m so sorry...I didn’t know he was on the other ship until we were there,” Finn began earnestly, before struggling with what to say. “He said he didn’t want the rookies to go without him.”

Poe heard a tinny ringing in his ears. He looked from Finn back to Rey and saw her face fall. Realization slowly dawned, his thoughts sluggish and uncooperative. “Kes?”

Finn just nodded.

“Where is he?”

Rey said something next to him but Poe didn’t hear her. All he could see was Finn, who indicated towards the transport. Trance-like, he walked towards the ship’s ramp. Inside two of the young recruits Kes was training were consoling each other at the crew benches. At their feet, the floor was littered with med-gear and blood-soaked patches.

“Commander—” one of them stuttered. “We got him on board, he was talking. Wanting to know who else was hurt. Then he just—”

Poe said nothing as he stared down at his father’s lifeless body.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Finn had reluctantly left to speak to the general by the time a medical crew returned to the transport to attend to Kes’s body. The med-bay was busy with injured troops so Poe found himself in a darkened hold nearby, sitting next to the sheet-covered gurney where his father lay. Poe still wore his flight suit, only pausing long enough to strip the flak vest and the rest of his gear. He didn’t want anyone with him, and had asked Rey to attend the command briefing in his stead.

The noises from medical equipment and discussions between the humanoid staff and droids served as a backdrop, and he was vaguely aware of the frantic alarms when they lost another recruit to her injuries. After that he had no concept of how much time passed before there was a faint hiss of the door and Rey entered the room. He knew it was her without having to move his eyes from the gurney. He always knew when she was close, by sound, by scent, and something else intangible.

When she sat down beside him and her warm hand covered his, Poe was conscious of the chill in the air for the first time, and the slight tremor in his limbs.

“I’m sorry,” she said quietly, and he tried not to bristle at the statement knowing that, while the words were meaningless, her intent was not.

“Yeah,” he replied instead.

“Leia asked for you. She wanted to come down but I told her later.”

“Thanks.”

Poe meant that sincerely, even if his tone didn’t convey it. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to Leia, or Finn, or any of them. He didn’t want to discuss the details of his father’s actions, or find out what had happened to lead him to be lying there, still and cold. He’d have to hear about it eventually, and knew there would be some explanation, maybe some heroic act that saved others, but it wouldn’t change what happened, or where Poe found himself sitting now.

“Can I do anything?” Rey asked, unsure and tentative.

When he shook his head no, she hesitated before pressing a soft kiss to his temple. It caused his eyes to close and he leaned in to her, seeking her warmth. His head rested against hers as Rey’s fingers slipped into his hair and she stroked through the curls tenderly. Poe allowed himself the comfort of the sensation for a while before the sudden remembrance hit him and his eyes opened. He pulled away from her.

“I need to go,” he said.

“Where? I’ll go with you.”

Poe stood, only half-listening, but as his gaze flitted across the shape on the gurney one last time, he held out his hand to her and Rey followed him out of the med-hold. They walked down the familiar gray corridors of the base without acknowledging those they passed. When they arrived at his quarters he didn’t notice Rey’s questioning look, nor stop to explain why he went into the refresher and closed the door behind him.

The lights flickered on, harsh white, and he blinked against the intrusion as he stood before the mirror. Poe stared at himself for a long moment, his gaze expressionless, feeling nothing but a dull emptiness. Then his eyes sought out the clippers he’d left in a box on the bench.

 

0 0 0 0

 

When he emerged from the ‘fresher some time later, Rey looked up from his bed where she was sat waiting. Her eyes widened in shock, then she got up to stand before him.

Poe rubbed a hand over his head where his hair was completely shorn, not much longer than the two-day stubble on his face.

“It’s a Yavinese mourning tradition,” he explained shyly in reaction to the emotion that flooded her face. He gave her a sad half-smile. “Last time my hair was this short I was eight.”

“Oh, Poe,” whispered Rey as tears pooled quickly in her eyes. Her arms wrapped around him before she reached up with both hands to cradle his bare head protectively.

“My Dad’s dead,” Poe mumbled, his mouth pressed into the crook of her neck.

Rey was trying not to cry when he wasn’t, but he felt so broken. She took some comfort from the fact his arms tightened around her and he held on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry again.)


	4. Chapter 4

Poe knew it was inconvenient, self-indulgent even. There were more missions to plan and carry out. More resources to gather and pilots to train. In the Resistance there was little time to mourn their all too frequent losses. The General herself barely stopped after the deaths of her husband and brother, and did not abandon her command. Yet that didn’t stop Poe from requesting a leave of absence to take his father’s ashes home to Yavin 4.

Leia didn’t hesitate in allowing it. She recognized in him a familiar pain, knew well the glassy stare and feeling of hopelessness that threatened to consume him. For Poe, Kes’s death was brutal enough but she suspected the compounded loss and guilt as well as everything he’d experienced since his fateful mission to Jakku were a significant part of it as well. They’d never really discussed it, any of it, as there was no time for further recriminations either. War meant sacrifice. Leia knew there would be more to come.

So when he asked to leave, she gave her blessing. Leia wondered if some time away might be the only way to assure Poe’s return to the commander she needed. The leader they would all need, in the long run. Nor did she protest when Rey stated she was going with him, noting the Jedi was not asking permission.

Leia granted them use of a nondescript light freighter that would not look out of place in the Yavin system, but had enough speed and firepower to get them out of a fight if it came down to it. The small moon was the location of a famous Rebellion stronghold, and they knew the First Order was occupying the old base. The journey would not be without risk, and she warned Rey accordingly.

“I won’t let anything happen,” she’d said solemnly in reply, and Leia didn’t doubt her. But it wouldn’t stop her from worrying while they were gone.

In the days that followed the mission to Odae Ripp they’d held a short ceremony for Kes and another member of Finn’s team, a young woman who was killed in the skirmish. They were celebrated as heroes, and vows were made that they wouldn’t be forgotten. It felt false to Poe – the Resistance didn’t hold memorials. Not for Luke Skywalker, or Han Solo, or Admiral Ackbar, or Amilyn Holdo, or any of the other hundreds of lives that had been lost in their fight against the First Order. While he knew the eulogizing was more about the assembled group dealing with their own grief and fear, it didn’t make it any easier to stomach. He slipped out of the gathering in the mess halfway through, and missed the looks of concern that passed between his friends.

He was packing a few items for the trip home in his quarters, avoiding looking at Kes’s empty bunk that still hadn’t been removed, when the door buzzed. Poe frowned. He was in no mood for visitors. When he pressed the release he felt a small measure of relief that it was Rose and not some other well meaning but unwanted member of their rebel group. The only real company he’d kept since Kes’s death had been Rey, and even that had been too much sometimes. He just didn’t have the heart to tell her he’d rather be alone.

“I just wanted to see if you were okay,” said Rose as she stepped inside the room despite the lack of an invitation. “I mean, I know you’re not okay, but I wanted to check if you needed anything. If we can do anything. To help, you know, pack…or prep the ship…or do whatever you need.”

Poe hated the way Rose stammered nervously, as if they hadn’t known each other for years. As if he didn’t think of her like a kid sister.

“I don’t need anything,” he replied flatly, before forcing himself to be civil. “Thank you though.”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it,” Rose continued. She picked distractedly at the permanent black under her fingernails from engine grease. “I know what he meant to you. And even though we only knew him for such a short time—”

“Rosie.” Poe sighed and sat on his bunk, too tired to be annoyed or explain that he didn’t want to talk.

She took a step forward, undeterred. “Finn thinks you blame him for what happened.”

“What?” Poe scowled darkly.

“You haven’t spoken to him since...not really. I told him you wouldn’t think that way, but he needs to hear it from you, Poe. Please. It’s eating him up inside.”

Rose sniffed and wiped her nose on the sleeve of her mechanic coveralls. Poe’s head dropped into his hands, a still strange sensation when he felt the short, bristly hair under his fingertips. He rubbed his face firmly before looking up at her, his anger mounting.

“I don’t blame Finn. Of course I don’t,” he retorted.

“Then why are you avoiding him?”

Poe stood abruptly. “I don’t kriffing know, Rose. Maybe because I don’t want to talk about my father dying. Maybe I’d rather not discuss how he wound up on a mission he was never supposed to be on. Or about the fact I didn’t get to say goodbye to him properly because, like an idiot, I thought he was on base the whole time. And I really don’t want to rehash how his body was torn apart by shrapnel. If that’s okay with you and Finn.”

“We’re your friends, we care about you,” she tried again after a moment, tentatively.

“Then please,” Poe said, grasping her by the shoulders and leveling her with a stormy glare, “tell your boyfriend from me that his conscience is clear. It wasn’t his fault. But maybe next time he leads a strike team it’d be a good idea to know exactly _who’s on the kriffing team_.”

He dropped his hands and turned to continue packing.

“You’re not being fair and you know it,” said Rose behind him. He could hear the disappointment in her voice and didn’t have to look to know it would be mirrored in her expression. “He doesn’t deserve that.”

The door slid open as she went to leave, then Rose paused. “And I never blamed you for what happened to Paige.”

It felt like a physical blow to his chest, but before Poe could say anything she was gone. He squeezed his eyes shut, ashamed by his outburst. Poe knew in his heart that Finn wasn’t responsible for Kes’s actions, but his anger was too raw for logic to prevail. He’d apologize later to both of them, and hug Rose until she forgave him for his hurtful words. For now, exhaustion overwhelmed him and he dumped his bag on the floor so he could drop heavily onto his bunk.

He lay on his stomach, willing himself to sleep at least for a while until he and Rey could depart for Yavin 4. But his eyes remained open, his mind stubbornly refusing to quieten. After half an hour he gave up and resumed his earlier task, trying not to think about Rose or Finn, and especially not Kes.

 

0 0 0 0

 

He wore nondescript civilian clothes borrowed from one of the recruits for the journey, with no rebel markings. Poe cut a gaunt figure as he made his way to the hangar to meet Rey, not only due to his new appearance but his withdrawn demeanor. At least most people had the good sense to give him a wide berth, he thought grimly.

Rey and BB-8 had taken care of preparing the ship while he formally took his leave of Leia. The General had given him a rare hug that briefly threatened to undo him, but then she’d saved the situation by giving him a stern order along the lines of ‘hurry up and get your ass back here with my Jedi’.

He had hoped that Rose might be there to see them off so he could patch things up but only Finn was waiting with Rey by the freighter. They were huddled close together talking, Rey’s face full of concern, but they stopped as soon as Finn glanced up and saw Poe’s approach.

“You all set?” she asked, and he nodded mutely in reply. Rey looked briefly at Finn once more then reached out for Poe’s bag so she could stow it on board. “I’ll see you in a few days, Finn.”

“Be safe, Rey,” he replied before turning his attention to Poe, clearly uncomfortable. “You too.”

“I will,” Poe said, knowing there were other things he needed to say to his friend but he was unable. Not yet anyway. “Say goodbye to Rose for me, would you? And that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“She knows.” Poe placed one hand on Finn’s shoulder and tightened his grip for a few moments. “We’ll see you soon.”

Finn nodded back and then stepped away from the ship’s ramp as Rey initiated the startup sequence. When Poe found his way to the cockpit she’d already gotten clearance to take off. BB-8 was positioned between the pilots’ seats so he had to step over the droid awkwardly to take his place. Rey gave him a soft smile.

“Ready?”

“Let’s go,” Poe murmured.

In different circumstances he would have added “home” to the response, but their journey was nowhere near the trip to Yavin 4 he’d imagined taking her on. He had planned it dozens of times in his mind since he’d first promised to show her the Force tree so many months ago on Ahch-To. It had been an impulsive comment in response to her innate sadness over the fire that destroyed the sacred tree on the island.

But since then, as they’d grown closer and he found himself inextricably bound to the wondrous woman by his side, the anticipated visit to his childhood home took on new meaning. The war would have been won by then, the Resistance prevailing of course. He would have invited her properly, and she’d laugh as she agreed to finally make the trip. They’d arrive and Kes would be there to greet them, spoiling Rey with a seemingly endless supply of fresh fruit and vegetables she’d never tried before. Poe would take her everywhere, and share stories of growing up in an era of peace after the fall of the Empire. They’d sit under the Force tree together and bask in the serenity. Maybe he’d even get up the courage to give her the ring that had hung around his neck for over 20 years, waiting for her.

Instead, they were in a reconditioned light freighter in the middle of a seemingly unwinnable war, leaving behind a small and inexperienced band of fighters and a worn out general to lead them. And Kes’s ashes were in a plain box, secured in his bag in the crew quarters.

Rey guided the ship smoothly out of the hangar, rising quickly away from the Resistance base. Once they had cleared the moon’s atmosphere she calculated the jump to lightspeed and soon they were streaking through hyperspace. She sat back in her seat, her piloting done for now as the ship’s computer took over, and glanced over at Poe. He stared out at the swirling light, his gaze distant.

“Why don’t you get some sleep?” Rey suggested, kind enough not to add that he looked like hell and could clearly do with it.

“Not much chance of that,” replied Poe though he had barely slept in days. At some point he knew his body’s need for rest would finally win out but it was his mind holding him hostage.

“Maybe I could help.”

He turned to look at her with the fleeting thought that in another time he’d have probably made a vaguely suggestive comment that would cause a tantalizing blush to creep up from her chest. But now he just let out a long breath and felt a wave of gratitude.

She smiled again in understanding and glanced down between them. “Beebee-Ate, you monitor the ship for a while.”

After a few beeps of confirmation, BB-8 rolled out of the way so Rey could stand and hold out her hand for Poe’s. They made their way to the crew bunks, a small utilitarian space nowhere near as comfortable as on the _Millennium Falcon_. Poe didn’t care. He tiredly pulled off his belt and blaster holster then shucked off his boots before crawling onto one of the beds. He shuffled close to the wall so there was room for Rey. He sighed contentedly as she curled her body against his back, and pressed her mouth to the base of his neck.

“Ready?” she breathed, and he made a small noise of consent.

Rey’s chest pressed against him when she inhaled deeply, then faded away with each slow exhalation. Poe focused on the sensation until he felt the Force-driven calmness envelop him. It was more potent than any drug. His thoughts and emotions swiftly melted away until there was nothing but a warm, protective silence to which he gratefully surrendered.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Whether from sheer exhaustion or the assisted meditation, Poe slept heavily for most of their journey. Rey spent the time, over a full standard day, tinkering with the freighter’s mechanics or chatting to BB-8. A few times she returned to the bunk and lay beside him, listening to his even breathing and the rhythmic thumping of his chest. But Rey’s sleep was always short and restless. After several hours she would wander the ship again, seeking a distraction from her own thoughts.

When he finally woke and rejoined her in the cockpit she was pleased to see that the black smudges beneath his eyes were mostly gone, though the hollowed out look in his features remained. And Poe was still mostly silent. She had gotten so used to hearing him talk all the time, filling silences even in their most intimate of moments. Rey was no stranger to lack of conversation, having lived most of her life that way, yet it was so pronounced with Poe. She knew he was grieving and his loss was devastating, but she found herself missing his voice.

Sometime later there was a beep from the console which startled Rey awake. She looked down to find she was covered in a blanket.

“How long was I asleep?” she said in surprise, not realizing she had dozed off in her pilot seat.

“Not long.” Poe pressed a few buttons. “We’re coming up on Yavin 4.”

Rey straightened in her chair and put the blanket aside. She was immediately alert, knowing that their approach could be monitored if the First Order were being vigilant about the colony’s comings and goings. Leia had ensured the ship had current (if forged) status clearance as a trade vessel, but they were still cautious as the freighter dropped out of hyperspace and she got her first look at Poe’s homeworld.

From space Yavin 4 was an enticing mix of green and blue, dwarfed by the orange gas giant of Yavin. Rey loved it on sight. Her eyes widened as they dropped into the moon’s atmosphere, and she was glad Poe had taken over piloting as she was far more interested in taking it all in. As they flew closer to the surface all she could see was the deep green jungle that he’d described to her previously, but nothing prepared her for the real thing.

The sky had already started to darken by the time they arrived at the Dameron farm, not from nightfall but from afternoon storm clouds that rolled in ominously from the distant mountains. Poe expertly set the freighter down near a couple of dwellings that Rey could see through the transparisteel viewport.

“Welcome to Yavin 4,” he said.

She looked over at him, hoping to see a glimmer of happiness somewhere in his features to go along with the greeting, but Poe just stared at the blackened horizon.

The air was thick and a deep rumbling of thunder greeted them as they disembarked with BB-8. Rey’s hand went instinctively to her lightsaber at the sound, though Poe’s lack of concern let her know there was no threat.

They secured the ship’s ramp and made it inside the main house just before the rain started, falling in fat, noisy drops that rapidly grew heavier, to Rey’s astonishment. She didn’t have time to fully appreciate it before she found herself standing in Poe’s home. There was a large kitchen (she remembered that Kes had liked to cook) and weathered wooden table with half a dozen chairs. BB-8 zipped past her legs and disappeared down a corridor to the back of the house, as if refamiliarizing itself with the place.

“Make yourself at home,” Poe said as he looked around then followed after BB-8.

Rey was unsure if she was supposed to go too, and stood uncertainly in the center of the room. It was nothing like she’d seen, growing up among scavenged components in a rusting AT-AT. Even the many cities and palaces she’d visited with Leia recently were different, less inviting and not...homely, she supposed. There was something else familiar, a residual echo of Kes who’d lived there for 30 years. She could sense it through the Force – warm and loving, not unlike Poe. At least, Poe as he was before, she thought longingly.

When he hadn’t returned in several minutes, Rey took a few tentative steps around the living space. Her attention was drawn to a framed flat-holo on the wall of a dark-haired woman who was unmistakably Poe’s mother. Shara, she recalled. She was smiling the same way he did (or used to), bright eyed and joyful. And she had unruly curls like he did (or used to).

Poe had never said how Shara had died and Rey didn’t like to ask. Whatever had happened she hadn’t been much older than he was now...a stark reminder, as if they needed it, that life was short.

The noise from the heavy downpour grew impossibly louder and Rey wandered back to the open door. She breathed deeply, surprised how different the rain smelled from Ahch-To. The air was denser but cleaner, with none of the piercing cold winds and salty brine of the Jedi island.

“Are you hungry?”

Rey jumped slightly at the sound of Poe’s voice, and looked around to find him watching her.

“Always, it feels like,” she admitted with a shrug.

Poe’s lips twitched into a shadow of a smile, enough to gladden her heart. “It might have to be rations. It looks like Kes packed up everything.”

“I don’t mind,” Rey said. In her experience with food since she left Jakku anything and everything tasted better compared to veg-meat and polystarch bread, but others didn’t seem to share her opinion and were vocal about it when it came to their military-grade rations.

Poe pulled out a chair and motioned her to sit while he prepared their meager meal supplies. He managed to find a bottle of brown ale in the depths of a cabinet and poured them both a tumbler full. Dim lights powered on in response to the ever darkening sky outside, and they grew brighter as he joined her at the kitchen table. Rey waited when Poe didn’t start eating, instead he picked up his drink and held it. She realized after a moment that she was supposed to do the same.

“To Kes.” Poe toasted, his voice devoid of any emotion.

“To Kes,” she repeated.

Rey sipped the unfamiliar liquid, finding it smoky and pungent and wondering, not for the first time, about the widespread appeal of alcohol. She tried to coax him into conversation as they ate but Poe had little to say, and she decided not to push him. After their meal was complete they finished the rest of the ale – at least it got easier the more she drank – until Rey felt warm from more than the humidity.

“Are you tired?” he asked, rubbing his hand over the sharp bristles on his head. He was clearly still unused to the length.

It was still early but fully black outside now as the storm continued. Rey nodded, having slept poorly for days...months, really. Ever since her awakening in the Force she felt different. No doubt the fact she wasn’t spending her days in the exhausting desert sun scavenging parts to trade played a part, but it felt like her mind was in overdrive most nights and, no matter the meditation techniques she employed, her ability to sleep was limited.

“There’s a guest room back there. I’ll stay in my D—, in the other bedroom.”

Rey quickly shook her head. “I want to stay with you.”

Poe’s expression softened and she knew he appreciated not being left alone, even if he didn’t verbalize it. He got up from the table and disposed of their dinner remnants.

“In that case we’ll go to my room.”

Rey took his proffered hand and they waited on the porch for a break in the rain. When that didn’t look like it was happening any time soon they decided to make a run for it, with BB-8 whirring ahead of them across the grass. They were drenched by the time they reached the smaller building opposite the main house.

Before Rey could inquire about it, Poe explained, “They built this so my grandfather could stay with us. But he died not long before my Mom.”

He led her into a bedroom and disappeared into another room before returning with towels for all three of them. As Rey wrapped one around her shoulders Poe squatted down to wipe off BB-8, who gave a few annoyed beeps then spat out water from its joints all over the floor. Once dried, the droid rolled over to the corner to charge.

“You can take a shower if you want,” Poe said, pointing towards the refresher.

“I can wait. My other clothes are still on the ship,” she replied, doing what she could to wring out her tunic.

Poe went to a drawer and sorted through clothes until he found an Academy undershirt and sleep pants for her. She hesitated after taking them but he gestured towards the refresher again so she could change in private. Rey didn’t know why she was suddenly nervous in front of him but she was grateful for the moment alone.

She got ready for sleep, pulling her sodden hair out of its braids and leaving it down to dry. It fell well below her shoulders now, impractical if she were still on Jakku, and the longest she’d ever let it grow. She pulled on Poe’s clothes, not caring they were too large because it always gave her a small but inexplicable thrill to wear anything of his. She had never shared clothing with anyone before Poe.

When she returned to the bedroom he had also changed into a shirt and shorts and was looking at something on an old holopad that he quickly switched off. Rey thought she heard Kes’s voice on the recording but didn’t ask him any questions.

“Do you need anything?” he asked after clearing his throat.

“No.”

“I’ll just be a minute.”

He took his turn in the ‘fresher, leaving her to look around his bedroom. Rey glanced over to check that BB-8 was in low power mode first, as if she were transgressing somehow by doing so. There were small plaques and framed commendations on a shelf by the desk which outlined his achievements over many years. She was still peering at the – to her eyes at least – unfamiliar objects when he came back into the room.

“That’s all Kes. He insisted on keeping all that shit on display when I left.” Poe sounded annoyed which Rey didn’t understand.

“He was proud of you,” she offered.

“Maybe,” he said with a dismissive shrug.

“Not maybe. He told me so.”

Poe looked surprised. “When?”

“We talked a couple of times. Mostly about you,” she replied quietly. Rey had been shy around Kes, almost nervous when she found herself alone with Poe’s father for some reason. He had been nothing but courteous to her in the limited time she’d been on base, but she felt the protective scrutiny with which he looked at her, and his unasked questions about herself that she wanted to avoid. She liked to think it wouldn’t have lasted, the longer they spent together. “I wish I’d gotten to know him better.”

Rey frowned slightly when his mouth, already down-turned, fell further at her words.

“You should have,” he said, then sighed. “It should have been here. It was supposed to be here.”

Rey bit her lip, staying quiet in the hopes he would continue.

“For years, all I ever wanted was to go where the action was, some Core world that wasn’t an insignificant colony no one cared about anymore. But not Kes. He refused to leave this rock. We could’ve gone anywhere after my mother died, but he wouldn’t.”

Poe stared past her towards the shelf. “I signed up to the Academy as soon as I was old enough just so I could leave. I barely came back more than once or twice a year, and not at all for the past couple. He just stayed here like he always had. Then the _one_ time he does anything, the one time he decides to leave...he goes off and gets himself killed.

“I’m so kriffing angry at him,” Poe admitted, his voice dropping to a low murmur as he met her gaze. “I wish he were here so I could tell him that.”

Rey took a few steps towards him so she could lay a gentle hand on his cheek, wanting more than anything to take the pain away but lacking the words. She leaned in to kiss him softly instead. Poe’s hands moved to grip her waist as he pressed his forehead to hers, his breathing growing faster as he fought the emotion she felt coursing through him.

His fingers dug into her as his mouth sought hers again greedily. She kissed him back – lips and tongue matching his fervor. She let him pour out everything he was suppressing, his anger, his devastation, his despair. She took it all if it meant lessening his burden...until she couldn’t any longer. His mouth crushed bruisingly against hers again, one hand now knotted in her hair as he held her painfully closer, and Rey couldn’t stop the small noise of alarm in her throat.

Poe’s head snapped back as if burned, his wild, dark eyes grazing across her face before a different expression flooded his features. He let out a horrified sob and took a few steps away from her, a deep crease on his brow.

“Sorry! Rey, I’m sorry,” he stammered helplessly. His mouth gaped when he couldn’t articulate any more.

“I’m okay,” she said quickly, moving towards him, needing to touch him to reassure him.

But Poe backed away again, his face crumpling in misery before he covered his face with his hands. His body was shaking as he started to cry and keen. Rey froze momentarily, stopped by his gut-wrenching anguish that she felt helpless against, before she enveloped him in her arms and held him as tightly as she could while he finally let go of everything. She wept too – for Poe, for herself. For Kes.

A full minute later his face was still hidden in his hands until she was able to prise them away and replace them with her own, caressing his hot, wet cheeks. She didn’t say anything – there was nothing she could say to make it better. When the shuddering began to wane she eased him towards the bed, not losing contact for a moment. Poe curled in on himself when he hit the mattress but Rey climbed in beside him and maneuvered them both so she could continue to hold him protectively, his face nestled against her chest. She pressed her lips to the top of his shorn head and held on until he cried himself out.

Rey didn’t know how long it was before he pulled himself slowly and reluctantly from her grasp. He avoided her worried gaze initially, disappearing into the refresher so he could wash his face and clear his nose. She waited patiently in the bed until he returned, taking a moment to get under the covers. He avoided looking at her still until she held out her hand and his eyes reluctantly met hers.

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, his voice rough and still full of emotion.

“You didn’t. I promise.” Rey stretched out her fingers to try and reach him.

He gave in and took her hand, climbing into the bed once more and laying side-on next to her. He closed his eyes more from shame than tiredness, and she gently kissed the red, swollen lids.

“Did I hurt you?” he whispered morosely, and further tears wet her lips.

Rey shook her head, her own grief tightening her throat once more. “No, my darling.”

She didn’t know how she knew the word – probably a holonovel she’d found or bartered. Rey remembered nothing of her parents, certainly not if they ever used the term of endearment with each other or her, but it formed on her lips naturally as she said it out loud for the first time. Because he was. Though she lacked any experience in the matter, Rey knew she loved him completely.

She said that out loud for the first time, too...later, when Poe’s breathing was quiet and even, and he wouldn’t hear her. She fell asleep with her head next to his, deciding she liked the sound of those three words that weren’t so hard to say, after all.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Rey woke the morning to the sound of whisper birds heralding the new day. It reminded her of the porgs on Ahch-To, far cheerier than the shrieking of steelpeckers on Jakku. She rolled over gently so as not to disturb Poe who was still breathing deeply. They’d separated sometime in the night and he was lying on his stomach away from her, a faint crease marring his brow even in sleep.

She slipped out of bed and stole quietly into the refresher. After cleaning herself up some she rebraided her messy hair in the hopes that it would make her feel more like herself. Rey was still consumed with worry for Poe. She knew she should seek balance in the Force, to put aside her own feelings of misery and loss lest they lead her down a path she knew she had to avoid. 

She returned to the bedroom to find Poe sitting on the edge of the bed rubbing his eyes. He looked gray and tired despite having slept more in the past two days than he’d been awake.

“Good morning,” Rey said, stopping short of cheerful but hoping to elicit some positive reaction from him. 

“Morning,” he mumbled. She heard the hesitation in his voice.

Poe touched a button on the wall near the bed and the metal shutters covering the room’s windows opened slowly. A warm light filled the space, drawing Rey towards the view outside. No longer masked by storm clouds, she got her first proper glimpse of Poe’s homestead in the sunshine. With a pang, she realized it  _ was  _ his now. He owned a house and a farm on a planet far from the Resistance. What that meant to Poe – to both of them if he decided to leave the fight – she didn’t yet know.

Distracted by the landscape and this new, unsettling thought, Rey heard him go into the ‘fresher but when he reappeared she pushed it out of her mind as best she could. She looked at him expectantly, waiting to see if he would approach her. When he didn’t she crossed the space between them to hug him, silently reassuring him that everything was alright. Poe returned the embrace but there was an unmistakable distance to his touch. 

“We should get ready then we’ll go to the Force tree,” he said, pulling away from her.

Rey swallowed hard and tried to smile. She had been looking forward to seeing the uneti tree since Poe first told her about it. Like him, she thought it would be under entirely different circumstances. 

After they’d changed and eaten, Poe led her across the clearing away from the house and freighter while BB-8 remained behind to keep guard. He carried with him the box from his belongings on the ship. Rey held onto his hand as they walked, insisting on maintaining their usual proximity, but once again he stayed silent. 

Within minutes she saw it, planted near the edge of the jungle that surrounded the Dameron property. 

This tree was entirely different from the one on Ahch-To, the one she had dreamed of long before she saw it. This tree was young, relatively speaking, alive and vibrant. Rey could feel its energy strumming in the Force – it made her fingertips tingle. She barely felt Poe’s hand slip from hers as she drank in its presence. 

She heard the familiar whispers like she had on Ahch-To as she drew closer to the trunk. Voices from the past with messages she didn’t understand but knew were for her...voices of the Jedi. As she had on the island, she felt an immediate sense of belonging, an innate feeling that reassured her she was part of something far greater. Rey’s touch was tentative when she pressed her palm to the bark, and her eyes fluttered closed as the tree’s lifeforce seeped into her – warm, comforting and powerful. 

“Rey.”

Her eyes snapped open when she heard the male voice that wasn’t Poe’s, one she’d heard before but only in her mind. It had been on Takodana, not even six months previously, when her whole world changed when she had first touched a lightsaber. She wasn’t scared but she dropped her hand nonetheless, stepping away from the tree as she tried to control her breathing. Rey glanced to her side, feeling a little embarrassed when she saw that Poe was knelt at the tree’s roots, watching her reaction.

“Okay?” he asked, and she could only nod in response. She had no words to describe what she was feeling when she barely understood it herself. 

Rey moved to sit at his side as he began to dig into the earth in between the flowing roots of the uneti tree. It was rich and dark, and gave way easily as he used his hands to create a deep well. When he was done Poe reached for the box of Kes’s ashes. 

Rey was not familiar with Yavinese funeral customs – or any human funeral practices, for that matter. On Jakku bodies were usually disposed of in the Sinking Fields. Or worse, left out for the ripper-raptors if it was an enemy. So she watched curiously as Poe emptied the box into the hole, careful not to spill any of the ashes held within. Rey didn’t know why (or how) they had burned Kes’s remains, or what the symbolism was to transport the gray dust to his home world. It was important to Poe, and that was enough for her.

He took his time covering the ashes after that, smoothing over the earth and pressing it firmly in place. He said nothing while he performed the ritual, so neither did Rey. Finally, when he was finished, she looked on as he pulled out a thick silver ring from his pocket, one she recognized as Kes having worn. Poe pulled off the chain from around his neck and unclasped it so he could thread the ring through, where it clinked softly against the matching band already on it. He replaced the chain over his head and tucked it into his shirt once more. 

Rey waited, unsure what came next. Poe closed his eyes, his dirt-covered hands resting on his thighs, as he quietly murmured something she couldn’t understand. A prayer, she guessed, or a blessing. In his native tongue it sounded lyrical, though his voice held little emotion like his expression. After another beat he cleared his throat and stood up. She got to her feet as well.

“Poe, should—”

“I need to go see Kes’s neighbor, he’s watching over the place,” Poe said quickly, cutting her off. Clearly he wasn’t ready to talk. “Will you be alright for a while?”

“Of course. Or I could come with you.”

He glanced down at the lightsaber hanging from her belt. “Probably best if you don’t. I don’t know how much the First Order has infiltrated the settlement. You’re a bit of a well known target.”

Rey nodded, feeling helpless to do or say anything that might help him in that moment. She took some comfort in the fact he brushed a kiss against her cheek as he left, when he had been so reluctant to initiate any physical contact between them since the previous night. She watched him walk away, wiping his hands against his trousers.

Rey turned to face the Force tree again, and knelt down slowly in the same spot. She could hear some local animals hooting in the nearby jungle and could feel their presence, though they didn’t reveal themselves. A gentle breeze blew, enough to stir the leaves above her in a slow, rhythmic way. Rey breathed in deeply, absorbing the calm that surrounded her. Then she laid her hand over the earth above Kes’s ashes and silently said her own farewell, adding her hope that Poe might find some solace in returning his father home to be buried. 

“We return to the earth from whence we came.”

Rey started in surprise at the sound of the male voice, then scrambled back inelegantly onto her rear when she saw its origin. Stepping out from behind the tree was Luke Skywalker surrounded by a pale blue glow.

“What the kriffing hells—” Rey gasped, her eyes wide in shock.

“Not quite as poetic as my line,” Luke said sardonically.

“What… How… how are you here?” she managed to get out as she sat up again. Rey felt no danger, Luke’s presence was nothing like Ben’s when she connected with him through their Bond on Ahch-To. Luke’s was pure Force energy – she could feel it through every pore. She marveled at the sight of her old, however brief, mentor.

“It’s just a Jedi trick. One that’s taken me a little time to master,” he explained, holding out a robed arm so the light around him shimmered even in the daylight.

“You’re a Force ghost...” she murmured.

“It sounds silly when you say it. But yes.”

“Does that mean you’re haunting me?”

“Hmm,” Luke replied, his eyes narrowing, “you think I don’t have anything better to do with eternity? Aren’t we the little narcissist?”

Rey blushed, reminding herself just how short a time she’d spent with him, and most of it had been antagonistic. Yet since she left the island the first time, since he’d sacrificed himself to save Leia and the remaining Resistance fighters, she’d felt a close affinity with him. Spending longer on Ahch-To with the rebels only deepened her sense of connection to the Jedi Master.

“There’s others more deserving of a haunting than you,” Luke added generously.

“Is it the Force tree? Is that why I can see you?” she asked, her mind filled with a hundred questions she wanted to ask him. 

“It helps. Me, more than you. I’m still new to all this.”

Rey’s face lit up suddenly. “It was you on Ahch-To! When I raised the X-wing. I couldn’t see you but it was your voice I heard.”

A small smile appeared on Luke’s bearded face. “A helping hand, that’s all.”

Her eyes shined at the remembrance. She still understood so little when it came to the Force, but the idea that Luke was with her and could reach out to help her when she needed it brought Rey a powerful sense of relief and gratitude. She no longer felt so alone.

“Thank you, Master Skywalker,” she said humbly.

“It’s the least I could do. I wasn’t a good Master to you, Rey.”

“You still owe me that third lesson,” she reminded him.

“Well, you were the one who left…”

“After you told me to.” Rey bit her lip and looked down, not wishing to relive their last argument over Ben Solo or her subsequent foolhardy journey to try and turn him from the dark side. She felt rather than saw Luke draw closer.

“You can ask about him,” he prompted.

She looked up, her face clouded with uncertainty. Rey did her best not to think of Kylo Ren or the man she hoped he could be once again. Her feelings about Ben were so conflicted, to allow her thoughts to dwell on him was dangerous.

“How is he?” she asked, wishing she didn’t sound so weak.

“Lost. Full of rage and self loathing.” Luke’s voice was full of regret which caused Rey’s heart to clench. “He will never get over the murder of his father. Or my betrayal.”

Rey remained silent for a long moment. “Leia believes there’s nothing left of him.”

“My sister may be right.”

“But do you know for sure?” asked Rey more urgently. “Could he never be turned?”

“I don’t know.”

She let out a frustrated breath, wondering yet again she could still be holding onto hope that Ben was not completely gone when his own family didn’t.

“A wise Jedi once told me the future is hard to see because it is always in motion,” Luke went on. “I once felt as you do now. I wanted the Force to show me the fate of enemies, and of my friends.”

“Did it?”

“Glimpses. Echoes of what might come to pass. But nothing is certain. It took me a long time to learn that, too.”

Rey bit back her disappointment that he didn’t have the answers she sought. Whether or not Ben Solo could be turned to the light, if the people she loved would survive the war, or when she herself would understand her destiny. She knew there was no point in asking questions to which there were no answers.

“The path you are on is your own,” Luke said, and she realized he probably knew exactly what she was thinking. “We have faith in you.”

Rey frowned at the use of the word “we”, but didn’t seek clarification. 

“I’ll see you again sometime.”

“Wait! My third lesson. Please… I need guidance.” Rey tried not to sound desperate but she was. “I have the sacred Jedi texts but I don’t understand them, not really.”

“Little thief,” he muttered. Then Luke’s lips settled in a firm line before he continued. “There is no third lesson. But I will leave you with something else.”

Rey straightened where she still knelt in the dirt as she looked up at him.

“The words that Kylo Ren spoke. They were lies and manipulation.”

Rey frowned as she ran through in her mind every horrible thing he’d said to her during their brief encounters. He’d said she was nothing, but Rey already knew that not to be true. Poe had shown her that, as had Finn, Rose, Leia, Chewie, and other members of the Resistance who had befriended her. He’d said she would turn to the dark side, that he’d seen it. And while Rey trusted herself enough not to believe it, there was always a nagging fear that such an unthinkable outcome could come to pass if she wasn’t strong enough. 

“Search your heart for the truth,” Luke intoned.

Realization flooded her features before Rey bit back the notion in well-practiced self defense. 

“My parents?” Rey looked up at him swiftly when she felt a change in the Force. He was disappearing before her eyes, and panic gripped her. “Please, Master Luke! Tell me!” 

“You must learn patience, young Rey,” Luke said as his glowing image faded away. The last thing she saw was his small, peaceful smile.

An anguished sob escaped from her chest when he vanished. Rey fell forward onto her hands as she grappled with the hope that she’d lost on the  _ Supremacy _ when Kylo Ren had taunted her with who her parents were and their fate. She fought against the frustration she’d felt in the cave on Ahch-To when she thought she’d be able to finally see them via the Force. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she allowed herself to believe, just maybe, that was what Luke wanted to leave her with.

_ Maybe they aren’t dead. Maybe I’ll find them one day. Maybe they do love me. _

Rey swiped a hand across her cheeks and moved to sit cross-legged in front of the Force tree. She relaxed her body as the tormenting thoughts quietened and she focused on her breathing. She would be patient, if that was what was required. She had a lifetime of experience to draw upon. If there was even a chance she would finally get the answers she so desperately wanted, it was enough. Enough to give her courage to keep fighting. Enough to remind her of everything – everyone – she had in her life to be grateful for.

It was enough. For now.

 

0 0 0 0

 

Poe didn’t rush back to the tree after leaving the neighbor’s property. He slowed down Kes’s speeder, an affront to his younger self who’d damaged more than one vehicle ripping through the jungle paths between homesteads. 

He knew why he wasn’t in a hurry, but pretended otherwise. It would give Rey more time to commune with the Force or whatever else she did which was still a mystery to him. Not for the first time he questioned their suitability...his suitability for her, more to the point. Poe was used to the self-disbelief when it came to Rey and her feelings for him, but now it seemed even more improbable. 

How he could give her anything she needed now, he did not know. His loss of control the previous night was a stark reminder. And though she told him she was alright, that she was not afraid, he tormented himself with the memory of the look on her face and the sound of her voice. Poe knew what he’d done, what he’d wanted possessively in that brief moment in the depths of his grief, and knew she deserved so much better.

He left the speeder at the house and checked in with BB-8 who was dutifully waiting by the freighter for their return. There were no signs of First Order activity, the droid reported, adding a warning that the situation could change at any moment due to the occupied rebel base. 

“We’re safe enough all the way out here. Kes made sure of that,” Poe explained patiently. “But don’t worry, we’ll be leaving soon.”

BB-8 let out a series of beeps and whistles.

“I don’t know when we’ll come back, buddy.” Poe looked around the place, realizing how different it felt without his father’s presence. It was still home, but it would never be the same. 

Poe sighed and told BB-8 to wait a while longer as he started back towards to the Force tree. He approached quietly so as not to disturb her when he saw she was in her meditating pose under the tree’s ample shade. Unsurprisingly, she knew he was there before she could have heard him, and was swiftly on her feet. 

The sight of Rey’s open, relieved gaze when she looked at him made his step falter. She quickly made up the distance between them and hugged him to her. Poe buried his nose in her hair briefly, her familiar scent as she pressed her body against his was overwhelming. He didn’t allow himself to get lost in her for long, and pulled away.

A small frown appeared on her face but it quickly dissipated. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I didn’t mean to take so long.”

“It’s okay. Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s arranged. Tigg will look after the place until…” Poe didn’t know how to finish that sentence. The end of the war? Forever, if he never returned? 

He didn’t tell her about the other arrangements. That if he died, he’d left instructions for all of it to go to Rey, if she wanted it. And if she didn’t, or gods forbid something happened to her as well, Finn and Rose were his beneficiaries. Beyond that, Poe didn’t care what happened.

“What do you think of the tree?” he asked instead.

Rey turned back to look at it, her eyes shining. “It’s everything I hoped it would be. Thank you for sharing it with me.”

“I wanted to show you more,” he said, his hand reflexively running over his head. “The rest of the property, the whole settlement. But we can’t. Not now.”

“One day,” she offered assuredly. A faint, knowing smile appeared on her lips. “One day we will.”

Poe let out something between a snort and a grimace as he brushed past her and walked closer to the tree, his eyes unwittingly drawn to the flattened earth where he had buried Kes’s ashes. Where Shara’s ashes were as well. He was caught up in his thoughts when Rey appeared as his side and slipped her hand into his, her cheek coming to rest on his shoulder. Her other hand gripped his forearm. 

“I love you,” she said quietly, to the point where he thought he’d imagined it if it weren’t for the shy look on her face when he turned to her.

“I never said that to anyone before,” she admitted with a quick smile. “I never had anyone to love. Until you. I’ve wanted to say it for a while now.”

Poe felt his chest heave at the same time as his throat tightened. He shook his head almost imperceptibly, as his dark eyes raked over her features. He hadn’t noticed before but it was clear she had been crying while he was gone, and he immediately hated himself even more. Poe was filled with a sudden sense of dread when he knew what he had to do.

“Poe?” Rey frowned slightly again. “Did you hear me?”

“You shouldn’t.”

She looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“This isn’t going to work, you and me.” Poe chose his words carefully, maintaining eye contact so she’d know he was serious. That his mind was made up. “You should be focusing on being a Jedi. Leia is counting on you. So is the whole Resistance. It’s nothing without you. It’s time we faced up to the fact that as wonderful as a relationship sounds, the reality is we’re at war. And will be for who knows how long. So we should stop now, before it goes any further. Maybe there’s a reason why it hasn’t already.” 

“Why are you saying this?” she whispered.

“I’m just telling the truth. Your destiny is larger and more important than anything I will ever be a part of. I’d only hold you back, and I never want to do that.” 

“But—”

“I’m not what you need, and you know it. Deep down I know you do. And I don’t think you’re what I need either, not really. If, by some miracle, I survive this war we are facing very different futures. I’m my father’s son...I want a home. I want a family. I want peace… And we’ll never have that together.”

He looked down at his feet, too filled with remorse and self-disgust to hold her gaze. 

_ “Poe? Did you hear me?” _

He glanced up to find her waiting expectantly and sighed at his failure...he’d said none of it out loud, despite knowing it would be better for her if he did. Poe knew it was selfish, cowardly even, not to break it off. He knew he shouldn’t burden her any more than he already had. He was so uncertain about their future but in the present, with Rey standing before him waiting for him to say the words back to her, he gave in to his weakness and devotion for her.

“I love you too,” he said instead. 

Rey’s face seemed to glow as she beamed at him. “I was worried for a moment there.”

Poe stared at her longingly as he brushed a wisp of hair from her cheek. “Never worry that I don’t love you, Jedi. I do...more than anything. More than I have any right to.” 

She leaned in to kiss him, and his other hand instinctively rose to cup her cheek. His nose brushed lightly against hers as their foreheads pressed together and he breathed deeply. 

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” he admitted after a long moment of silence.

“Me neither. We’ll work it out together.”

He responded to the conviction with which she said it, wondering how she knew, and wishing with every part of his soul that she was right.

“I love you,” he said again, more fervently this time. His fingers laced with hers as they locked eyes.

“Is it wrong I don’t want to go back?” asked Rey, eyes sparkling. “I want it to just be us, at least for a little while.”

He didn’t have the heart to tell her that the timing wasn’t right, that the risk was too great. That they had responsibilities on base they couldn’t avoid for long.

“Let’s stay here another day,” she said impulsively. “The war can wait. So can Leia.”

Poe nodded in agreement, feeling unable to deny her anything. He’d need more to time to heal, he knew that. It would take longer to resolve his anger and regret over so much more than Kes’s death. But if she’d have him, and if she wanted him too, then Poe wanted nothing more than to be by her side while he did. 

“It’s a start,” Rey said, and pressed her lips to his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, thanks so much for reading! I know this hasn't resonated with as many of you as the previous story in this series, but it's been great getting back into writing again and I really appreciate the fact you stuck with me for this part.


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